By bandwidow

One Week In The Books Rough At The

well I am keeping on keeping on. today was bad again like yesterday but I am still fighting through this. I am fighting and kicking and screaming but i will beat this no matter what. I am however ready for an easier day like my first few day were. But I know they are coming. I have had more panic attacks today than I normaly do. It almost seemed like it was a constant panic attack and my meds did not really help much. I think alot of it is my addict mind trying to tell me that I need to smoke so that I can get he feel good endorphines that smoking creates. However my recovering mind is still a bit better and says no you will never feel better if you go back to smoking, I am feeling lots better and I know that if I smoke even one then I will one be hooked again and two feel like crap physically and mentally. I do have to work again tomorrow and that will be good for my resolve when i dont have to go out in subfreezing temps to smoke. I do miss my smoking "friends" on the smoke porch and maybe one day I will be able to go out and see them but for right now I will stay inside out of the cold and out of temptation. I really hope that my daughter sees and understands the struggle that I have had for years trying to quit smoking and always (till now) failing and decides to never pick up a cigarette.  I think as far as my non smoking friends I will remind them at one month quit that I quit. Although I did almost reach out to one of them today as I was having such a hard day but being a nonsmoker I knew he would not really understand and think I was just whining or something. I will text him tomorrow anyways to check on him but dont know if I will share my progress with him yet. I do share it with my daughter every time that one of my quit apps give me a milestone. she seems relly happy for me but she has been begging me to quit for years. and has seen me fail many many times. so I think every milestone I share with her just reassures her that I am still quit. I have been using the patch so far. I am thinking about stopping it tomorrow. I still have some left but will need to stop them sooner or later so tomorrow will be a test drive.