By gauthams

Does This Mean I Broke The Pledge - Ethical Question Please Help 

I went for a walk about 4-5 hours ago (after having had NONE For one whole day, -  at least tried to go for a walk because my stamina s far from back. I feel this in itself is important and as I am primarly a house-spouse who freelances when work lands on his desk, I thought it may be a good idea to get out a bit which I didn't used to do... and I got into a chat with a friendly neighbour fitness addict - he eats a great diet, is always supple and the only substance he abuses is the treadmill at the gym - sort of pissed off by his pooh-pooing, as an angry retort actualy I smoked two puffs before guiltily realising what an idiot I was being and Threw them away. I then set 15 minute timers on my stopwatch and tried to crawl from one episode to the next. It is now 5 hours since and I had the worst panic attack, about 4 hours ago, suddenly feeling heavy in the chest and the feeling that I would never be able to breathe ever again. Luckily we have a house guest who is a retired cardio thoracic surgeon and he kept saying nothing was wrong with me - finally I took his advice to go to my room (he came with me, sweet man) put on my sleep apnea bipap machine, and just stay for e0 minutes. It worked.  All of us had dinner together, I stopped at one glass of wine (and no rice) and I was being very good, but RIGHT NOW, as I right the crave is back but I am able to deep breathe ( a bit ) I have popped a cardamom pod into my mouth and Inshallah this too should pass. I have an ethical question for every supporter on the forum, should I delete my quit data to reveal the relapse and start again at second zero? or can this horrible deviation be winked at? PLEASE HELP FOLKS
twmoom
Sounds like quite a day! I personally would reset the counter so early on in the quit. It is very nice to know exactly when you had the last puff :)
nopity
So early on in the quit i would reset it too :) Whatever works for you though :)
hoeboe
Whatever you decide to do stay strong :) We are here for you :)
upinsmoke
Thanks for such an honest post. I think i would reset the counter too. Stay strong!
hypnolisttest
We are always being tested in life. Never make any decision from an emotional place. Ask yourself, "is this the right thing for ME?" then decide. Do ou meditate? The next time your tempted, go to a quiet place, close your eyes and take some long, slow deepbreaths, and concentrate on the air coming and going out, do this three times, and REAX.
hypnolisttest
There's an old saying, "when you're down, never be around someone who will bring you down more, be around someone who will bring you up. These are fragile days for you, so always be around those who will support you, and celebrate your successes.