By beatthedemon

Another Day Of Stressing, Panic, And Crabby

Why is it, even after all this time, I still struggle. Here I am 6 and 1/2 months into the process, and I still have to battle every day? Seems like a broken record. Sure I have some bumps, and had to start over, but you would think that would make it easier? For me the first week or so after a slip is always a walk in the park. By the start of week 3 it becomes hell. After some time it calms back down, and just when I think I got this, something gets in the way and I screw up again. 

Well here is the start of week 3... Morning started out OK, for a Monday. By afternoon work was getting to me again. I left the office today, in a bad mood, a few interactions at work where not the best in the afternoon. It seemed like problems from the last few months were all coming back after they had been fixed, but now the fix wasn't providing the long lasting results as there where other outcomes that no one could have seen at the time the fix was put in place. All the way home, I so badly wanted to just stop at the store, but I knew the outcome would be very bad if I did today.... So I avoided it.

Got home, started a fight with the family, over stupid stuff. Quickly had to make dinner and clean up before heading off to another stressful meeting for the HOA. It seems since we have had a change of management, we are still learning the style and there are still bugs in our communication process. Some of the projects that should have been on the schedule for this year, have not even been put out to bid yet, and we are coming into the busy season for the contractors. So this made of another meeting to add to my stress. Causing panic as it seems what we had in our 2016 plan, may end up being pushed to 2017 if we can't get this show on the road soon. Hopefully in the next few weeks, with some extra meetings we can get this back on track again, but it adds to the panic mode.

Finally get back home for the evening, still crabby, and the fight with my spouse picks up again. At this point I am stressing from work, HOA meeting, life issues, and adding in the fight. I am so upset the first words out of my mouth are.... "Maybe I should just start smoking again." Gee like that is going to fix anything. I know I just need to keep pushing through but its so damn tough some days. The lack of time, has made it so, I did not have any me time today. I didn't have time to take my long walk I normally do in the evenings. Nor did I have time for even a small workout. Yes after pushing myself the last few days to burn off steam, and introducing myself to some more high intensity workouts, I needed a rest day from the extra stress on my muscles, but I really think it would have helped some today. 

Maybe to make sure I get a workout tomorrow I will need to try and get up a bit early, and drop in the Insanity workout DVD before work. Any attempt to start the morning off right. I mean really if I was smoking, there is no way I would be able to keep up with a high impact workout like that without wanting to die right. So off to call it a night, I can only hope its a better day tomorrow and I just need to keep focusing on my success and know that it will get better as long as I don't give in to the demon. 
Beathedemon...That 2 minutes of satisfaction can not be better than a lifetime without smoking...So never think of it and just enjoy the smoke free life...!!!
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