By inathinworld

Tears And The Need To Just Get Through This

I'm enjoying a lovely quiet Sunday today where the only thing I have to worry about is a bit of washing and ironing. I've had quite a relaxing morning and afternoon so far, the washing machine is doing all of the hard work so far. 

I have not really thought about smoking so far today. I have had a few nicotine lozenges, mainly because i seem to be getting very tearful and upset for no reason. 

Small things that my boyfriend does or says are really upsetting me today and although they may usually have irritated me, today they are leading me to tears. I do not feel I am able to talk about the tears to my boyfriend for a number of reasons, not least of which is that he doesn't know I'm in the process of withdrawing from nicotine - he thinks I quit last year - but for a variety of other reasons also. He has been quite unwell, both physically and emotionally, and he is getting better but some of the issues I need to raise with him, that affect me, may not be very sensitive to his wellbeing - I want to do the best for both of us so need to stay quiet for now until he's better able to deal with them. 

He has gone out now and I have the house to myself. .. well, to my cats, dogs and me, but it is giving me the space to think, breathe and write this. Writing this is helping. I think I'm just someone who needs to talk and share my feelings and not having that outlet really makes me tearful! I guess the frustration has to come out somewhere and my tear ducts seem to be as good a place as any. 

I think I shall make a special effort to make sure all of our clothes are ready and organised and that the house is beautifully clean for the week ahead. I hope this will help to relieve some of the minor stresses and I can concentrate on being the best me and the best and most supportive girlfriend. I was single for a long time before I met my boyfriend and, although we've been together for just over 3 years, I still have a propensity to cope alone and to rely on myself. This makes me tired and I want to be able to rely on someone else and to relax a little. My boyfriend will hopefully be this person once he is well but in the short term I have to get through this quit alone and support him the best I can. 

I feel better for sharing. Thanks for listening!