By beatthedemon

Does It Ever End? 67 Days And Still Can't Shake It Off!

When does it end? Does it ever end? I know its not a physical craving anymore, but there is still that voice. Its like when I get to a point in my progress that someone is telling me, "Hey its OK if you want to take a break." 

I know from past experience the "Break" doesn't go so well. But then I find myself thinking, well, the break last time became a breakdown because that is what you wanted. It was the holiday stress that kept building. Instead of dealing with it, I caved. First mistake with the last "break" letting it happen, and get into my mind. Next mistake, following through with the plan to screw up. Third mistake, screw up big time, by the time I started the screw up.... it wasn't just talking myself in to having just one or two.... nope .... it was talking myself into getting a "Few" packs. 

So that was a learning mistake back in December.... Now fast forward to this week.... Why do I feel like the patterning is starting to come back? No there hasn't been any screw ups yet. I've been avoiding going to the store for anything the last few days. Why? Because right now I feel like I'm on shaky ground again. I feel like someone is telling me.... Hey just take a break for a few days. 

I know I can't take that break like I so want to, the idea of starting over again right now would just kill my motivation. I would start to think month #3 is cursed. Then I fear... how fast would I pick up again, if I did screw up.... Well, now its getting warmer, less motivation to avoid the cold, because the weather is starting to get nice. I have had a stall in my weight loss again, that is bringing me down... So really some of the main things to brought me to the point of quitting in the first place, might not be as helpful right now. 

Either way, right now is not the right time for a break I have to keep telling myself. For now I am setting a goal, maybe just a short term delay tactic but, if nothing else it will give me some more time under the bridge. At this point, I am just setting my sights out 60 days at a time. 60 days to tell my self.... a break is not an option. While it may be hell for me, I hope by saying, I can't take a break for the next 60 days, or even think it would be a good idea, I can be stronger in 60 days and not start having this same battle with myself again.

If I do have the battle, at that time I can say... I have 4 + months, why not make it 6+ months before having this conversation again about taking a break.

A break is something I should no longer need but I fear as stress happens, challenges at work, life in general, there is always going to be part of me that thinks it would be a good idea. 

Thanks for listening to my rant... here's to many more smoke free days without a break. 
Its the habit. It takes longer to fade than the cravings but it does fade :)
Awesome post! Thanks for sharing
look at the progress you have made between day 1 and now. The progress is still happening. the habit side of it will go away too trust me!
There are two parts of a quit in my opinion. The cravings part which is the super hard intense part at the start. And the habit part - those little moments you dont really crave but you think about smoking. They take longer to go but they are more managable. But they do eventually go. You wont even realise it immediately when they do. You will just notice one day - "huh, i havent thought about smoking for a while. Stay strong :)