By brendasbaby

Start Of The 2Nd Week Lots Of Anxiety

Todays the beginning of my 2nd week. I have a busy day ahead me with work. I have a meeting conference tonight. I just started yesterday with a new company and this is my first meeting conference call. So what is my first response to the new stressful thing cigarettes? Do I want one yes? Do I need one no absolutely not. We all don’t but in the end it’s always in the back of our mind. Why should I always constantly have to talk my self off the cigarettes its like I’m talking myself off of the ledge? I’m going to do my best to keep call doing the training part of my new job. It’s stressful when your trying so hard to earn your first bonus and also proving yourself. I haven’t worked since last year so this is a new kind of stress for me. The doctor told me something on Saturday that I haven’t been able to get out of my mind that I might have to get my gallbladder out. I know it’s a simple procedure but I have a big fear of being put under. I have a fear that I will never wake up. Everyone one in my immediate family has had to get this done and they are all ok so why am I so scared.  I don’t know I guess it’s mostly in my head. I feel like I’m pressuring myself so much to get better so they don’t have to take it out. Maybe that will fix my fear. So in a few more days I will be getting my gym membership I haven’t had one in awhile mostly because of the smoking. ☹ It feel good to be working out and losing some of the weight I’ve gained, I’ve gained almost 100 pounds since 2013. Obesity runs in my family and I don’t want to be so fat I cant move it already hurts just walking around so its time to move on and get healthy again. I’m also going to try some of these weight management pills my company offers. They should help too with eating right and exercising. I’m really excited to be getting a PS4 soon too. That what I’m saving my not smoking money for may take me a few months but I think I can do it. Time to get busy with work so HERES TO DAY 8
Congrats on starting week 2! You got this!
A PS4 is a great reward! Much better than cigarettes.
Sorry to hear you have to have an operation. At least you wont have to worry about not being able to smoke in the hospital now!
Get those new lungs working and you will drop the weight :) Its much more fun to excercise when you are not out of breath 20 seconds into it because of smoking!
I love reading comments they are always so supportive. Smandfloor i don't have to get the operation yet. I think he wants to see if its just a bug first if not then that what its most likely going to happen