By brendasbaby

Getting In The Healing Process Is Key!!!

So I have made it 4 days without a cigarette. I should be jumping up and down with excited, but I’m not as excited as I thought I would be. It’s disappointing to not smoke again. I know I probably have to get myself to the point of excitement and 4 days in and I’m still not there. I have to keep telling myself everyday the reason I want to quit, just to stay quit.  I feel horrible because I constantly have to remind myself of this. Sometimes I also feel like this quit isn’t going to happen. I’m going to fail any moment. Which in reality that could happen. Even those of us that have been quit for 5 years could relapse at any moment. I think that’s the reality in all of this is that failure is always there.  And I have to choose whether or not that will be an option. I’ve thought a lot about the addiction side of smoking, the harmful things it does to me. So I ask myself why am trying to find a reason to buy a pack and smoke again. That’s probably just the addiction talking and most of this is because I’ve had the habit for the last 11 years. I haven’t told many people this next part but I think I should open up about it as a healing processes.  On September 15, 2008 I became the mother of a beautiful baby girl. Then a short time later. I became the mother of beautiful baby girl with her angel wings. I didn’t get the chance to be a mother to her like I had wanted the whole pregnancy. I was 19 when I got pregnant with her. And that’s when the next part happened.  Short time after her death. I became and still struggle daily with being an alcoholic. I drank for any reason I could come up with. Just like I do with smoking.  Because in my mind I had come to the conclusion that drink would make the pain of not being able to be that little girl’s mommy go away. And while I was drunk that would happen then I would sober up and the reality would come back. But in the end I had to do the same thing I’m doing now with smoking, I had to convince myself to stop drinking.  Every year on her birthday is usually my relapse day. I’ve been sober from drinking for 6 years now. SO HERES TO DAY 4. Making the best I can of it.
sorry for your loss. stay strong
that must have been difficult. She would be so proud of you for quitting. stay strong
Congrats on the sobriety. Now its time to beat the nicotine addiction. Keep on going.
you can do this. you are strong!