By brendasbaby

The Truth Behind My Addiction

As sit in bed making my way into my 3rd day of being smoke free. I think of all the struggles I’m having right now. How emotional it is? Like it physically emotionally hurts not being able to have “my friend” the cigarette in the morning. I’ve caught myself crying. I just don’t know why it has to be so hard. I’ve been against drugs for so long. As I lost my cousin back in September 2015 to a drug overdose but then I have to come to the sense that I am also a drug addict just a different kind of drug. Instead of cocaine, heroin, or any of those other drugs. My drug is Nicotine. I’ve watched 2 family member and many friends struggling with the addiction of drugs. My sister and my cousin were both into drugs really bad. My sister was more into to pills but has admitted to me to doing cocaine and other hardcore drugs. I never really got my cousin to admit she had a problem it may be why my sister is still here and my cousin is in heaven at least I hope she is. I miss her everyday. For a long time I thought doing drugs was normal because it’s kind of always been there my whole life. Since was I kid I watch two people I looked up to struggle day to day. I watched one struggle to get clean for her kids and to stay clean. I watched her lose everything self respect for herself the respect of her children. She even lost her husband. Then on the other hand I watched my cousin struggle just to get her next fix. I never in my life imagined burying my cousin at 32. But did. I realize now my smoking addiction goes back a long way ive used it for so long to cope and deal with the many hardships of my life. I have suffered from major depression and anxiety since I was 16. I used to self-harm and I kind of replaced that smoking really thinking I wasn’t harming myself anymore. But in reality I was just killing myself slowing in a different way. I’ve made up many excuses of the years of why I shouldn’t quit. Or why I should stay smoking. Like its makes me happy I couldn’t deal with the quitting process. And now I’m doing it. It may be hard right now but it will get easier thru time just like all the other trials and tribulations I have experienced in my 26 years on earth. So here we go HERES TO DAY 3!!!!!!!!!!!
Congrats on day 3!
We are all addicts. Just because we can buy smokes legally does not make us any different.
This is such a heartfelt post. Thank you so much for sharing :)
That is the attitude to have! You are totally right. It does get easier you only have to go through this pain once :)
Thank you for that honest post. You can do this! Stay strong