By mom2arielle

I Am Back And Ready To Fight The Monster

I have not been on here in a while and I am saddened to say that I have to start all over again. I had some things happen and thought that I needed “my friend” to help me get through them. But that was not true by any sense of the imagination. All my friend managed to do was make me feel worse physically and emotionally. I was really depressed for a few days after my failure I could not fathom why I really though I needed one or why I was still smoking even after I felt so much worse for having smoked again. Not even really sure what I learned from that slip other than I know that I felt tons better not smoking even if I did not realize it at the time. When I did smoke it was almost an instant can’t breathe, headache, blah feeling. It has taken me a few days to get the courage to quit again and to come on here and post that I had failed. But I am ready get back up dust myself off and go for it again. No Olympian has ever won a race the first time he stepped onto the track. I will consider my few relapses as practice quits and I will win this thing. My opponent unlike myself only gets weaker whereas I get stronger as the race is run. He may have bouts of strength but mine is more steady like the turtle slow and steady. I just have to remind myself that he is the competition not my friend as he tricked me into believing this last time.  I have my game face on and I am ready for whatever kind of trickery he tries to throw at me in order to try and win. I AM going to succeed this time. He is an evil little foul critter and is sneaky to boot he tries to trip you up when you are least expecting it but he is going down. I am sorry for anybody that I may have disappointed I think the worst disappointment besides myself was my daughter. I could really tell that it hurt her to see me smoking again I really thought she was going to cry but I think that she got disgusted at me instead that right there is giving me more determination that anything else. Kids really have a way of tugging at your heartstrings but anyways back on day 1 for me.
not all is lost. you have a HUGE determination to quit again so quickly. dont beat yourself up about it. you got this
she will be proud of you for quitting again so soon, you made it much further this last time than the previous times. good luck and congrats on the new quit!
was wondering about you the other day :) stay strong mom, you can beat this. you never quit quitting which is so inspirational. good luck!
Congratulations! You can do it.
congrats on the new quit!
dont be too hard on yourself, we all slip up - the important thing is you are quitting again! stay strong, good luck