By 420dragonfly


The ups and downs of this journey is getting hard to take.  45 days and I thought i'd have more good days than bad by now but that doesn't seem to be the case.  The depression and lack of motivation is worsening.  Didn't even enjoy my massage today!!  My neck and jaw are so tired from being clenched all the time and nothing seems to help.  I know I need to focus on relaxing, do some yoga but nothing is appealing.  Going to see my kid and grandson next week and so hoping my mood improves before then; at this moment, I wish I hadn't booked the trip as I have no desire to be around anyone, even my grand kid.

I have moments that are great, but for the most part I just keep feeling like I'm waiting for something. Waiting to smoke I guess, but why still!!! the nicotine is long gone.  I see people smoking and feel bad for them, yet I can't say I like myself as a non-smoker.  When will that day come?  

I know I need to get up and do some things, but I just do the same old stuff, work, make dinner, run errands, watch some tv, go to sleep, and do it again.  same shit smoking or not, so i guess i'm the problem that needs fixing now.  just hate all these emotions.

well the buzzer on the oven is ringing, so time for dinner.  sorry for the downer, hoping someone can give me some hope this will get better someday.

One love
Dragonfly...This was my worst time during my quit... That total Blah !!! You know you must do something but there is absolutely no guts to do it...You must really try and get something to do that interests you....I started to rebuild my Landrover into a fully equipped overland vehicle....Something I wanted to do for many years... Strongs !!!
you know that you will get back to normal eventually, everyone does. you are doing awesome
your cravings will get less and less until oneday you realise you have not wanted a smoke for a while. It is not a sudden moment that it stops, but it is a sudden moment when you realise it. Stay strong, this is so nearly over for you :)
thanks for sharing, and dont apologise! all thoughts are welcome here
just think how proud your grandchild will be of you quitting!
we will always be here to listen, good times or bad times :) thank you for sharing. stay strong
Thanks all...yet another night if lousy sleep and this is with medication! Think my guy is losing patience with me too. Doesn't help. I'm starting to wonder if this is from quitting or if I'm now suffering depression. Deal with that over 20 years ago and don't want to go back. Does quitting really cause this??