Am I ready or rushing it? That is my question of the day. I’ve practiced becoming a non-smoker a few times before now, always with a feeling of loss and deprivation. I’ve tried cold turkey, meds, but had my best success with the patch. Even with the patch, I’d have those infamous withdrawal symptoms, but never as bad a cold turkey and those head twisting urges, the longing for a cigarette, well they really never went away and eventually I gave in and would have one. And we all know where that led!
As I’ve posted before, something is very different with this final quit. I don’t want a cigarette! Even when I haven’t felt the greatest, even with the stress that would push me to my limits, I didn’t want one! I’m also finding myself anxious to have the nicotine OUT OF ME!!! In the past, I would hang on to those patches like they were some kind of life line (in spite of craving and even smoking). On a couple of practices I went through the whole regimen, increasing my cigarette consumption as I stepped down my patches. What? That’s not how the program works? LOL!
This time I was able to cut my cigarette consumption BEFORE starting the patches and started on 14mg. I stayed there for 3 weeks and wanted to try stepping down to 7mg. After a couple days feeling less than great, it was fine! I really feel good about this! I’m one week on the 7mg and I want it off!!! I have a four day weekend coming up from work this week and I’m contemplating going patchless. No that’s not true, I’m past contemplating… I’m doing it!!!
Am I rushing it and risking relapse? Why do I feel this push to get rid of it rather than take it slow? Something different is going on and it’s a good kind of different! It’s that liberating feeling that I can beat this! I’m feeling free and want to be truly free, so this Friday I will take the next step in my journey and leave my patch in the box. I’ll work that day, since the first day step down didn’t seem to be too bad and I work from home. I’ll give myself permission the rest of the weekend to cry, scream, bitch, eat, sleep, color, read, bathe, or whatever I want to do, other than smoke! I’ll keep my life line the patch nearby along with its cousin gum, but I feel confident they’ll stay in their respective boxes!
One Love
