By 420dragonfly

I'm Not Quitting

In my earlier practices at not smoking (yes, I’m referring to those previous quit attempts) I’d usually do some planning, but mostly I’d count the days until I had to walk away from my friend, give up my muse, quit smoking.  The closer the day got, the sadder and more anxious I would become.  I’d tell myself to smoke my brains out, get as much time with my friend as I could before I had to say goodbye.  I can remember one time I even wrote a letter the night before I was quitting to my friends, the smokes.  I wrote to them that we only had one more day together, that we had to say goodbye, that everyone said they were no good for me.  I can remember crying as I wrote that letter, dreading the loss that was soon to hit my life.

The word quitting really doesn’t have a positive vibe for me.   No, for me it conjures up images of losing, of giving up, of surrendering.  It feels like conceding, like weakness.  For whatever reason the idea of quitting would bring out a teenage rebel in me.   I was not a quitter!  I could and would do what I want, when I want!  I would try to give up the smokes, I would miss them more and more every day until I had to see them, I had to be with them one more time.

I don’t know what caused it or when the recent paradigm shift began in my brain, but I started to feel controlled by these cigarettes.  I started to feel like they were a burden to me, standing in my way, causing me to do (and not do) things that most people wouldn’t do.  Who chooses to stand out in the cold, to have a cigarette, which makes them cough and stink?  Was this really my choice or was I doing these things because I had to to feel ok?  

The light bulb started to come on!  These smokes were my nemesis and they would keep bringing me down!  I wanted to control my life!  These cigarettes were not my friend, they weren’t my muse, but rather a toxic relationship I needed to eradicate from my life, under my terms, my control!

Instead of looking at this as a habit to break, I started looking at it as a challenge to overcome.  I shifted the paradigm in my brain from quitting smoking to becoming a non-smoker.  I’m not going to lose a thing and have so much to gain!  And this time, I win!

One Love

your so called friend wants to kill you! That by no means is a friend
You are right, it's not about loss, it's all about taking back control and what you have to gain. We will win!
Not getting any easier, these posts, are they. Another great job though, well done!
earlier practices! i lol'd
another great post :) peace and love friend
Thanks for that. inspirational reading :)